Journal 3: Indigenous Parenting
Forward:
Working in Academia, I’ve learned a lot about the method of self-sabotage in creative endeavors. Much of it lay in overthinking and analysis paralysis. Beyond this, there are people who want to get on with their colleagues and do not realize that their desire for connection, approval, or “rigor” block the completion of projects . The crowd as it was, and is, and the desire for connection and/or approval prevent them from launching innovatively toward their goals. I’ve observed this and been affected by it one was or another. Currently my challenge has been death by a thousand tiny paper cuts (and debilitating ones on their own), this leading to exhaustion, and a lack of a basic support system.
As a result of the crab-in- the-bucket mentality of academia, I have decided FUCK IT and launch into this issue of Octopus Spirit Journal as a personal reflection. This issue will flow out as an unconventional personal reflection on parenting. I write these reflections for a multitude of purposes, the most important being authority. Who is the sole authority on parenting? Does that shift in the realms of decolonial parenting and culture? We absolutely have a responsibility to tackle the issues of parenting within the construct of child torture, as residential “schools” continues to leave a seemingly insurmountable set of obstacles that undoubtedly requires incredible spiritual support to overcome. In addition to this, society is deliberately organized around the adult with an aggressive disdain and even hate toward the autonomy of children and the role of child rearing.
These particular facts and the legacy of residential schools and societies organization doesn’t account for the continuous tiny cuts of average parenting in this society, let alone the deficit Indigenous people face for continued theft of land, connection, resources (emotional and otherwise).
My hope with this forward is to make my intentions clear with this publication- it is a reflection, a motivation, a desire for connection with other decolonial parents inside and outside our communities. To forge forward movement beyond the divisiveness, and conquest of the state and move into a space of restoration for children.
This publication I convinced myself was necessary for other parents and thus I would provide, but true to academia I became twisted up in analysis paralysis for years. Beyond this, being a parent with very little support from any sense of network, this approach is cathartic and for a younger Mom that is me.
Please enjoy this deep reflection that will roll out over the course of the year. This will be rolled out based on my ability to provide it- a decolonial timeline based in the busy goings on of parenting, and not the imaginary demands of an audience that may or may not be present.
During this marathon, I was driven by an undeniable force of love. I found myself grieving my parents and the village I never had.
There is this myth, one that I certainly bought into: the decolonial reality of wild foods, fresh air, traditional living on the land, with elders speaking the language. It is absolutely a myth, tied to deep disappointments about the realities of our sick villages. Gee, MASI CHO IMPERIALISM! Even the fantasy is a trap, one we are all grieving!
Oxytocin
As the mixture of inadequate support, my first pregnancy, the location, institutional racism, lateral violence, my cortisol was through the roof! If you know anything about birthing, they do not mix! In fact you absolutely need the happy chemicals such as oxytocin. I did not know this when Angel was born. I was so terrified I could barely breathe! Not to mention my family was gossiping about me, saying horrible things, and I did not have supportive people around as I awaited the birth of my Angel.
